Late-night hosts talked Harrison Butker's commencement speech, final arguments in Donald Trump's hush-money trial and the "Stop the Steal" symbol outside the supreme court justice Samuel Alito's home.
Back in his usual Monday night slot on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart looked into the brouhaha surrounding the Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker's commencement speech at the conservative Benedictine College, in which he railed against Pride, "dangerous gender ideologies" and working women.
Despite widespread backlash to his comments, the White House press secretary, Karine Jean-Pierre, confirmed that Butker was invited to the White House along with the rest of his Super Bowl-winning team. But according to rightwing news, Butker has been cancelled - as the left wanted to "destroy" Butker's career as part of a "war on faith", to quote the Fox News host Jesse Watters.
But "nothing about the rightwing reaction is surprising", he continued. "Because the idea that there is an all-pervasive, all-powerful threat to free speech called 'cancel culture' has become a central tenet of modern conservatism. They celebrate their being silenced at conferences. They celebrate their being silenced on podcasts and streaming outlets. They celebrate their being silenced with over 700 book titles about 'being canceled'. Why are there so many of these fucking books?"
Stewart detoured for a brief tirade on the social platforms incentivizing outrage from all sides: "We are not censored or silenced. We are surrounded by and inundated by more speech than has ever existed in the history of communication. And it is all weaponized by professional outrage hunters of all stripes, scouring the globe for graduation speech snippets, offhand comments during promotional tours, out-of-context comedy bits, lame marketing ideas, or any words and phrases they believe they can latch on to to generate, monetize clicks. Outrage is the engine of our modern media economy."
Sometimes it unfairly costs people a job, he added, "but contrary to conservatives' victimization complex, there is no organized cancel culture conspiracy where even the slightest misstep can get someone on the right 100% canceled. Actually, there is one."
That would be opposing Trump, which will get Republicans blacklisted from their own party. "There is no level of loyalty deep enough to be free of Trump cancel culture," Stewart concluded. "Truth is, Trump is the real cancel culture - emphasis on cult."
"We live in trying and cynical times," said Stephen Colbert on The Late Show, "and I just want to start off by saying I believe in democracy, I believe in our constitutional government, I believe in the separation of powers, and I wish the supreme court felt the same way."
The latest court scandal involves the justice Samuel Alito, after the New York Times revealed that an upside-down flag - a symbol of the "Stop the Steal" coup movement - flew outside his home just days after January 6. "Even worse, all of Alito's garden gnomes were fully QAnon," Colbert joked.
When it comes to January 6 cases argued before the court, Alito has been "highly sympathetic to the mob", Colbert explained. "That's like when your couples therapist is wearing a shirt that says 'Team David'. There's no possible justification for a supreme court justice displaying a symbol of insurrection at his home.
"Which is why when this photo was published, Alito immediately did the right thing, owned up and blamed his wife," he added. The justice claimed that he had "no involvement whatsoever in the flying of the flag", which he said was briefly placed by his wife, Martha-Ann Alito.
"So he dropped a dime on his gal, citing the landmark case of Me Just Tryna Live My Life v Ladies Be Crazy, Amirite?" Colbert joked.
Contrary to Alito's statement, neighbors confirmed that the display was up for several days. "So Alito clearly knew about this, because he came and went for several days," said Colbert, "and to paraphrase my favorite spangled banner, the flag was still there."
And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel looked forward to the end of the Donald Trump's hush-money trial, which is expected to wrap up soon, as the prosecution concluded their arguments on Monday. The defense is expected to rest on Tuesday, "and I have to say - I don't think a defense has ever been more well-rested than this one," Kimmel joked.
Trump appeared to be napping in court again on Monday. "Is it possible that his gas is knocking him unconscious?" Kimmel wondered. "I mean, how bored could you be at your own trial?"
Trump's lawyers have been "working to paint Michael Cohen as a sleazy liar who's hellbent on revenge, while conveniently leaving out the part where Trump used him as his own personal porno Venmo", Kimmel noted. During his four days on the witness stand, Cohen revealed that one of his duties as Trump's personal lawyer was to consult on Melania Trump's wax figure at Madame Tussauds.
"He was in charge of making sure the sculptor got her dead-eyed scowl just exactly right," Kimmel laughed.
"I like that there's a wax figure of Melania," he added. "That means that every night, there are two Melanias who won't sleep with Donald Trump."
